What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

If people in the UK hate Trump so much, why does he own golf courses there?

And i lived it daily.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

How can a man clean his Soul?

I had hoped to write a book about this .

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Do individuals with borderline personality disorder have awareness of their actions or do they believe their behavior is normal?

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

How did Nickelback gain a large fan base despite criticism of their music?

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

What are some mind-blowing facts about Michael Jackson?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I said to her

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Why is digital marketing important?

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Are there any political parties or groups that have a mix of conservative and liberal beliefs? Why are they not as prominent in the media?

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

(And it was in our own minds.)

Would this be the day?

Is something wrong with my discharge? So, when I masturbate, white discharge comes from my vagina, but it's not stretchy, it's pasty. It doesn't smell and I'm not itchy, so I'm sure it's not a yeast infection. Why is it pasty though?

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Why can't white people just surrender their white privilege?

She loved him until the end.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

My family never makes their pension either.

Why do people still think Michael Jackson was guilty?

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Comes on , in middle age.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I was very sick at this time too.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

Why did i forgive my father ?

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I was scared of men, in general

Im still living with it.

But, we were locked up after school.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

Ive learnt so much.

I was 9 years of age.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

So whats the point in blame.

All the time i was locked up.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

We were not on the streets..

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I write beautiful poetry .

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I don,t even have a pension.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

It was going to be , some day.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I never cut or harmed myself..

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

She wouldn,t have been !

She was in good health!

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Was to survive, this bastard.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

What did i know ?

I think the readers, may guess!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I will be 64.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

But ive been too sick for many years..

I was seconnd youngest,

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

I have no regrets .

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

Especially a lifetime of it.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

He resisted the act ,that day.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Where the ultimate outsiders.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

She married twice! .

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

One cannot live in the past .

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I waited trembling.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

He knew the spot.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Put me off passion for life!!

My life is so biszare .

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

So, i spoilt her more .

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

This is soul school!.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

As i do to all so called friends.?

She found it foreign!.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

When she asked me how she looked .

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

But it wasn’t much.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Who then, do I blame.?

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

I could never make a relationship work though!

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

We all went to grammer schools